Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
