I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
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