Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
