Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
