girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
