a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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