In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
