My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
