i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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