i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize