i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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