what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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