he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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