I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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