I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
