How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
