Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
