just come out here and I will go home with you...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
