that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
