so that wasnt chicken after all
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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