Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
