I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
