you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
