I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
