Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Randomize
