I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
