shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he thought i was a dude.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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