Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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