I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
People with herpes should wear stickers.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
