Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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