so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
