fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm always down for nudity.
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