So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
