Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
