im about as happy as oj after his trial
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
