today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The air taste purple.
Randomize
