rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize