It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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