my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just invented taco cereal.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize