there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize