come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
