I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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