Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
