So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
