I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
