i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
