i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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