If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
