I looked at my own cervix.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
