I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Damn victory sex feels great
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
