I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
