420 ftw
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
