you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize