when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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