I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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