Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize