We're facebook friends in real life
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
