I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
