Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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