It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
