I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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