Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
