He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
