ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
