He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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