The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
