gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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