my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
