someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
