its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
this beer tastes like vomit already
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
