Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
