Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
did i just pee glitter
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
