In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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