was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
