Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
