if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize