that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
