her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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