were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All the doctor said was why
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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