Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
