my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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