I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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