They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
