ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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