I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
