I am puke
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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