um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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