Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
