you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
