What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
