i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
