you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
