I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
