he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i believe in u and ur pee
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
